Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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