im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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