Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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