I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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