So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
