i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
