there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
