allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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