Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You left your phone here
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