I smell stomach acid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
