the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
