if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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