am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's shark week go big or go home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
