Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
