I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
