just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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