Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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