I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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