I wanna passion pit in your ass
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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