I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
