You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
