my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
