Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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