her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
