he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
