Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
