i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm always down for nudity.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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