wanna go halves on a baby?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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