I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize