one two three fourrrrnication!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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