Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
