Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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