Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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