I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
