Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just threw up on my dentist
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
