she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
