Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
