I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
