I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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