There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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