she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
