I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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