we're chasing vodka with high fives
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
