By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize