I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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