So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
