that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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