I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We don't watch enough power rangers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
