Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
