you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
