I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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