I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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