I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
