I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize