remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
