im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
