It's Friday. Sex?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The police scanner is talking about you again....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
