He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize