I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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