Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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