I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we're making bets on your personal life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
