in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
