I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
