You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
