i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
