His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
