Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
