Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
