this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
