I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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