Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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