stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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