just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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