dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
